Last night was good. Much much fun :) Got rather drunk.. and, i'm gonna be honest, a lil high :/
The boyfriend was lovely :) spent a lot of the night with me :) he came back to mine and you can guess the rest. And i mean yeh of course i'm happy, it's been a while and it did feel good. But it also felt kinda acted. Like he only kinda did it just to stop me asking, like he wasn't really bothered. I dunno... he didn't finish.. he said it wasn't my fault just that he has some problem... :/ either way it was nice... and awkward sex is better than no sex at all.
I was just thinking back to this morning. It was so nice waking up and having him holding me. And then later on when we were just messing around, you know being silly, and just having a laugh together. That's what i love about being with him :)
Hmmm.. when things are bad they're real bad but when things are good they're so good :)
Looking forward to glee tomorrow :D :D last week's was AWESOME. Put me in a wonderful mood. I'm hoping tomorrow's won't disappoint :D
As for the coming week... well i'm gonna be starting the exam project for graphics tomorrow (stressssss) and then next week are my english and comms deadlines so i should probably be starting those essays this week.
As for the coming weekend it's looking like it's gonna be rather crazy. This lad in the year above is having a house party while his parents are away. He is know for crazy parties and he's invited around 60 people and told us we can "bring friends" :') i wonder if he knows what he's letting himself in for. Hahaha... should be good, we shall see :)
Right, i'm off for an early night i think.
Byeeee
E xxx
Sunday 31 January 2010
Saturday 30 January 2010
i'm staying out for the summer, playing games in the rain..
It's been a while...
Thursday was good... spent some time with the boyfriend :) watched skins together. It was nice, and he seemed caring. I dunno.. it's still not quite right. Still kinda awkward. And i'm starting to get tired of him tbh. Especially since he's become a regular pothead. I keep thinking about what my life would be like if i was single. No boyfriend to tell me he loves me... although that wouldn't make much difference as T (name hidden for privacy reasons) hasn't told me he loves me in weeks :s And tbh i'd probably get more action than i do now if i was single. For a guy, T has a stupidly low sex drive. I mean, he never makes a move and even when i do he just acts like he doesn't want it. *sigh* what to do?
I'm off to a friends party later.. he'll be there... i guess we'll see how things go :/
eurgh... i'm just fed up of constantly worrying about what he's thinking... will he pay me some attention? will he reply to my message/text? does he really care? what can i do to make him love me?
i'd rather just be free to have a bit of fun with anyone i want and find someone who really wants me... doesn't just say he does.
Ok i think it's time for some bf history
I was with T for over 6 months and he broke up with me. I was absolutely heartbroken and what made it worse was that he wasn't even sorry, he didn't care how hurt i was and ignored my pleas for him to take me back. We stopped talking. Anyway after almost two months i started to see a guy called E (name hidden for privacy reasons). He was lovely. I felt so loved and appreciated and after a week we made it official. He really was lovely and i felt good because i could see that i made him happy, and he made me happy back. He'd text me regularly.. just asking how my day was and stuff. It was good. Real good. And his sex drive was really high... things were exciting, passionate.
Anyway, you guessed it, T started contacting me again. He said he still loved me. That braking up with me was the biggest mistake of his life. That not being with me was tearing him apart. He came over a few time to "talk" and i, being weak, let things happen. (he had a really high sex dive for me when i wasn't actually his). I felt awful that T was hurting and deep down i did still love him. He promised me things would be better. He promised he'd make me happy, treat me the way i deserved and never take me for granted again. So, since i'd only been with E for 3 weeks i broke it off and took T back. What an idiot i was. He treated me the way he promised for the first week or two and then it just went back to the way it was before we broke up.
In hindsight, i really regret leaving E for him. I was so naive for believing his promises. Everyone told me he was no good but he promised me he'd prove them wrong. He proved them right. So right.
*sighhh*
As for skins , well that was a disappointment. And the fact the the only "good and honest" character has become some horrible cheat really angered me. Poor Panda.
Anyways, i have college work to be doing so i guess i better go.
Laterz.
E xxx
Thursday was good... spent some time with the boyfriend :) watched skins together. It was nice, and he seemed caring. I dunno.. it's still not quite right. Still kinda awkward. And i'm starting to get tired of him tbh. Especially since he's become a regular pothead. I keep thinking about what my life would be like if i was single. No boyfriend to tell me he loves me... although that wouldn't make much difference as T (name hidden for privacy reasons) hasn't told me he loves me in weeks :s And tbh i'd probably get more action than i do now if i was single. For a guy, T has a stupidly low sex drive. I mean, he never makes a move and even when i do he just acts like he doesn't want it. *sigh* what to do?
I'm off to a friends party later.. he'll be there... i guess we'll see how things go :/
eurgh... i'm just fed up of constantly worrying about what he's thinking... will he pay me some attention? will he reply to my message/text? does he really care? what can i do to make him love me?
i'd rather just be free to have a bit of fun with anyone i want and find someone who really wants me... doesn't just say he does.
Ok i think it's time for some bf history
I was with T for over 6 months and he broke up with me. I was absolutely heartbroken and what made it worse was that he wasn't even sorry, he didn't care how hurt i was and ignored my pleas for him to take me back. We stopped talking. Anyway after almost two months i started to see a guy called E (name hidden for privacy reasons). He was lovely. I felt so loved and appreciated and after a week we made it official. He really was lovely and i felt good because i could see that i made him happy, and he made me happy back. He'd text me regularly.. just asking how my day was and stuff. It was good. Real good. And his sex drive was really high... things were exciting, passionate.
Anyway, you guessed it, T started contacting me again. He said he still loved me. That braking up with me was the biggest mistake of his life. That not being with me was tearing him apart. He came over a few time to "talk" and i, being weak, let things happen. (he had a really high sex dive for me when i wasn't actually his). I felt awful that T was hurting and deep down i did still love him. He promised me things would be better. He promised he'd make me happy, treat me the way i deserved and never take me for granted again. So, since i'd only been with E for 3 weeks i broke it off and took T back. What an idiot i was. He treated me the way he promised for the first week or two and then it just went back to the way it was before we broke up.
In hindsight, i really regret leaving E for him. I was so naive for believing his promises. Everyone told me he was no good but he promised me he'd prove them wrong. He proved them right. So right.
*sighhh*
As for skins , well that was a disappointment. And the fact the the only "good and honest" character has become some horrible cheat really angered me. Poor Panda.
Anyways, i have college work to be doing so i guess i better go.
Laterz.
E xxx
Wednesday 27 January 2010
Tuesday 26 January 2010
Skinssss is back :D
O also, i'm mega excited for the new series of Skins staring on Thursday!! :D :D Eeeeee :D
Star speckles and pink butterflies. And life is nice, so nice.
Dyed ma' hair dyed ma' hair :D
I do love dying my hair.. the dye smells really nice too :) and the brown one i've used today looks like melted chocolate :D
It didn't go as brown as i'd hoped though, so i think i'm gonna have to pop into superdrug tomorrow to see if i can find a darker brown :D the bottles are only £1 and you get loadsss.. like a good 3/4 applications, and i have pretty long hair too :) lurv a bargin me ;)
O o o update on the boyfriend:
I told him i wasn't happy. After yesterday i kinda realised that if i'm "happy with myslef. happy on my own" then what was the point of wasting my love and time on someone who doesn't love me back. I said that if he wants me he has to show me that he does or i'll find someone who really does. Because surely being on my own or with someone who really cares, really wants to be with me, would be better than being with someone who doesn't care.
Anyways, he's promised he'll try. Although, i gotta say, after all that's happened, his 'promises' don't really mean much to me anymore. We'll see..
Also, I've made some late New Years Resolutions :)
- make more of an effort with appearance and work in college.
- wear less/more natural make-up.
- get at least 8 hours of sleep on a college night.
- make a conscious effort to try to control my mood swings.
So far they're going ok tbh :) Although i can guarantee i'll have forgotten them all by the end of February :')
Hmmm there's lots more i could talk about but i don't want to bore you so i shall leave it at this for now :)
Byebyee
E xxx
I do love dying my hair.. the dye smells really nice too :) and the brown one i've used today looks like melted chocolate :D
It didn't go as brown as i'd hoped though, so i think i'm gonna have to pop into superdrug tomorrow to see if i can find a darker brown :D the bottles are only £1 and you get loadsss.. like a good 3/4 applications, and i have pretty long hair too :) lurv a bargin me ;)
O o o update on the boyfriend:
I told him i wasn't happy. After yesterday i kinda realised that if i'm "happy with myslef. happy on my own" then what was the point of wasting my love and time on someone who doesn't love me back. I said that if he wants me he has to show me that he does or i'll find someone who really does. Because surely being on my own or with someone who really cares, really wants to be with me, would be better than being with someone who doesn't care.
Anyways, he's promised he'll try. Although, i gotta say, after all that's happened, his 'promises' don't really mean much to me anymore. We'll see..
Also, I've made some late New Years Resolutions :)
- make more of an effort with appearance and work in college.
- wear less/more natural make-up.
- get at least 8 hours of sleep on a college night.
- make a conscious effort to try to control my mood swings.
So far they're going ok tbh :) Although i can guarantee i'll have forgotten them all by the end of February :')
Hmmm there's lots more i could talk about but i don't want to bore you so i shall leave it at this for now :)
Byebyee
E xxx
Monday 25 January 2010
These words are my own, from my heart flow.
Today's been good. ish.
Spent 3 hours straight doing Graphics... still rather stressed about it however :/
Other subjects are OK. I'm trying harder in French now. I figure that if i actually try to learn something i might. So i've bought a notebook from WHSmith and i'm using it as an exercise book :D I'm laying my work out properly, even using coloured fine liners ;) yeh i feel like a good student. I am still cheating on the verb tests but they don't matter so much :)
As for the boyfriend, huh what can i say? I've been umming and arring all day over whether or not to dump him. I think i've come to a bit of a conclusion. For now at least. Yeh he may ignore me, he may feel more like a friend than a boyfriend, and yeh it hurts to think he doesn't want me as much as he should, or he used to. But, he makes me laugh, it's nice to 'have' someone i can just spend time with, chill out with, like a really close friend, and maybe i'm being too reliant on him? I've decided to start seeing myself as independent, single even. So that if things do go tits up (which they're looking like they're going to) it won't hurt so much. I've realised i don't need his love to make me happy. I'm happy with me. I'm happy on my own. And i've got more important things than him to worry about; friends, college and home stuff (we might be looking at some new houses this weekend :D im mega excited just hope it doesn't cause any rows)
Things are looking up a little :) And Glee has made me ever so happy :) This week's gonna be good i think.
I'll keep you all updated :)
Sleep well.
E xxx
Spent 3 hours straight doing Graphics... still rather stressed about it however :/
Other subjects are OK. I'm trying harder in French now. I figure that if i actually try to learn something i might. So i've bought a notebook from WHSmith and i'm using it as an exercise book :D I'm laying my work out properly, even using coloured fine liners ;) yeh i feel like a good student. I am still cheating on the verb tests but they don't matter so much :)
As for the boyfriend, huh what can i say? I've been umming and arring all day over whether or not to dump him. I think i've come to a bit of a conclusion. For now at least. Yeh he may ignore me, he may feel more like a friend than a boyfriend, and yeh it hurts to think he doesn't want me as much as he should, or he used to. But, he makes me laugh, it's nice to 'have' someone i can just spend time with, chill out with, like a really close friend, and maybe i'm being too reliant on him? I've decided to start seeing myself as independent, single even. So that if things do go tits up (which they're looking like they're going to) it won't hurt so much. I've realised i don't need his love to make me happy. I'm happy with me. I'm happy on my own. And i've got more important things than him to worry about; friends, college and home stuff (we might be looking at some new houses this weekend :D im mega excited just hope it doesn't cause any rows)
Things are looking up a little :) And Glee has made me ever so happy :) This week's gonna be good i think.
I'll keep you all updated :)
Sleep well.
E xxx
Sunday 24 January 2010
I wish I could travel overground, to where all you hear is water sounds, to capture and keep inside of me.
Stresssed... having one of those quiet and thoughtful days that i tend to have a lot.
Graphics deadline on Friday :( i know i will not be finished :/
And my stupid boyfriend is being a prick. After i took him back. He's being a douche again. *sigh* I wonder, would i be happier without him? Things aren't looking good, should i just cut my losses, save myself pain, and end it now? I'm unhappy being with him at the moment, however, i worry i may be even less happy without him.
That's another thing you might like to know, i worry about everything and anything i can, way too often, it's a wonderful trate i've inherited from my mother.
Hmmm... i may come back a little later, for now though, laterz
E xx
Graphics deadline on Friday :( i know i will not be finished :/
And my stupid boyfriend is being a prick. After i took him back. He's being a douche again. *sigh* I wonder, would i be happier without him? Things aren't looking good, should i just cut my losses, save myself pain, and end it now? I'm unhappy being with him at the moment, however, i worry i may be even less happy without him.
That's another thing you might like to know, i worry about everything and anything i can, way too often, it's a wonderful trate i've inherited from my mother.
Hmmm... i may come back a little later, for now though, laterz
E xx
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