BE BE QUAYYY

Dave's having a BBQ :D yayyyyyyy
that means i get to go out and see everyone :)))
exciteddd

The trial hair thing went really well, Anna looked lovely :)
As for my bedroom clearing.... not so good! haha

HAIIII i'm back

Been back since Wednesday and it's been pretty hectic tbh

- Tom came over Wednesday afternoon for a serious chat, things ended up being alright but i'm still having my doubts :/ 

- He stayed Thursday afternoon and we watched the Lovely Bones which was beautiful and made me cry lots. Then i went out later on. Chequers followed by Lloyds and River Rooms. Was a pretty good night really. And although i wasn't sure about Tom coming I ended up really enjoying it :)

- Then (after getting in at 2, not sleeping much and drinking way too much) i had to go to a dress fitting for my cousins wedding. It was lovely and all but i spent the whole time feeling like I was going to pass out at any minute. 

- Today (well last night in bed actually) I decided I need to clear out my room. I want a fresh start. I'm gonna sort through all my clothes, stuff, shelves, notice boards and other shit on my walls and chuck out old crap and give away old not-so-crap. I bought two bin bags upstairs 3 hours ago and still haven't started :/ I also want to get rid of my ridiculous bed but i'm not sure how my parents will take that after the large amount of money they spent buying it :/ 

I'm meant to be going round next door at 2 to meet with Anna's wedding hairdresser and have my hair done... we'll see how that goes. I'm still contemplating whether to bother washing it or not :p 

also,

very tempted to get tumblr


anddddd i want to dye my hair but i don't know what colour... just want a change really

renewal update

the address will permanently be 'talk about emotional'

the title will change now and again... i'd like one i could settle on permanently but i don't know if i'll find one that i like(d) as much as the old one. if i do it will stay as that though :)

for now however it is 'hot flashes and too much toblerone' as that is my current situation. 

OTHER STUFF

- made curry at Rose's today. it was really nice. and nice to just get out of the house really

- Spain tomorrow... not feeling any more optimistic about that

- not much else to sayyyyyy

i'm getting chubby again -.-  

renewal

i want my blog back to being my own private space

i need it to write down how i'm really feeling, i can't do that knowing that my boyfriend knows the address and is almost definitely checking it all the time 

so i've changed it to 'mardy bum' for now

i realize that isn't very nice, i much preferred the old name, but i needed something quick

i will think of a nicer name and change it to that more permanently before i go to Spain on Wednesday morning

sleep time now

i'm knackered 

sometimes i wish i was black, just so i could wear super bright make-up and look awesome

feeling shittier than i have for a very long time

i don't know if it's post holiday blues, being a bitch of a girlfriend blues or lack of extra pill given hormone blues but i feel so shit right now and have done for over 24 hours, which doesn't sound like a long time but it sure feels it
i can't stand being at home. and it's not just my dad either. my mum and brother are grating on me too. my mum said earlier "what's wrong? you've been really irritable recently" when i told her it was being at home she just laughed. i think she thought i was joking.
the thought of having to spend two weeks in a villa with my family is a very very depressing one. i think i could hack a week but two's gonna be unbearable. if it wasn't for the promise of a tan, free food and getting away from relationship issues i just wouldn't go at all. i think i'm gonna to have to avoid them at all costs; eat meals alone as much as i can, spend all my time engrossed in t.v., books or my ipod to avoid talking to them, maybe sleep and draw in my room a lot too.... i think i might survive that way. if i can't avoid them i may end up killing (either one of them or myself) just to get away.
wish i could move out right now.

i hate him

i hate him so so much
he's such a dick
i wish he'd left us years ago
i can't stand being at home when he's like this