just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror

waddling down the landing in my pjs with my fluffy bed socks and massive hoody on, clutching a hot water bottle to my stomach and carrying a rather large bar of chocolate

ha. so attractive

yup

he's knows


eurghhhhhhh i'm such a dick
*facepalm*

freaking out about a load of stuff

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

i just went on TBs blog
SHIT
i feel so guilty
i promised him i'd never look at it again
eurghhhh
and he'll knowwww :(
i tried using firefox because he knows i don't use it but then like a dick i went and read every fucking post
what kind of passer by would read every post!?
i'm such a dick
i honestly feel so so terrible
i'm half tempted to just confess right now
but i can't cuz he'll hate meee


ohmygod
i sound like i always used to - i'd do something terrible, feel dreadful about it, then be stuck in this awful dilemma of 'should i leave it and hope they never find out or should i fess up, even knowing that he'd hate me for it'

i'm so disgusting

i was just sat here in bed and then i caught a whiff of the most god awful smell....



it was my hair..... eurghhhhh

i do really wish i was going out tonight

i was so excited for this
but now i feel kinda shitty and it's super cold out and i'm supposed to be trying to save money :/
tbh, if it wasn't for Tom i'd still probably go but he doesn't want to and i know he'll be offended/disappointed if i chose going out over spending the night in with him
it's not that i'd rather be with my friends than him, or that i'd choose them over him, but i feel like i hardly see them anymore :/ i get very few chances to go out what with college and work but then the chances i do get i either pass up to spend the night in with him or go out but then stay glued to him the whole night. i know it's my own fault really, but i don't want to look like i'm choosing my friends over him because i know it would hurt him. but tbh, as much as i do love him sometimes i wish i could just go out with the girls/with my friends without him now and again :/
i was gonna go stay with sm and have a night out with her but now it looks like nothing is happening because it's half term :(
i'm really hoping that we all can have a night out in stourbridge on Thursday, we'll see

I've decided that i'm gonna make a real effort this easter on go out with my friends because i didn't over xmas and i felt really bad :/ I need to start balancing my time up between people. i can't keep bailing on my friends to see Tom, i'm gonna have to start bailing out on Tom sometimes to see my friends. Especially over Easter because they'll all be back from Uni and i'll only have that 2 week window to see them, i can see Tom anytime. That might sound flippant but i'm really worried that i'm going to lose them. I love my friends and i don't want to be that girl who stops seeing her friends when she has a boyfriend and i'm worried that's what i've become :(

might talk to Tom about it if i get the chance.... :/

my head will not stop hurting

i've had this headache for two days now, and it hurts like hell, and now i've got a fever too
starting to think i've got a brain tumor or something and i might just drop dead at any second
and Tom's being weird
and i've got my assessment first thing tomorrow but i haven't done my work so i've got to stay up late and do it before i can go to sleep :(
hmph