sometimes i wonder why i spend all day in my room...

then i go downstairs..

i love not making much effort for college

because then when i do people notice more :)
got so many compliments on my hair today after sleeping in pin curls and then wearing it kind of 1940s/victory rolls style
Tom said i looked gorgeous too :)) hehe

i love Tom to pieces but he can be so unfair...

i posted that one photo of ash whats-his-face and he went into a massive sulk, then got all upset being all like "it makes me feel so unattractive when you post photos of guys like that because they have tattoos and better bodies and slicked back hair... etc etc"
i made the point about him reading Front and posting pictures of Arabella and other girls like that and he was all like "that's totally different, they're just crushes, they're world famous i'm never gonna have a chance with them, there are loads of tattooed guys at college and at zombie prom"
... the annoying thing is that it works exactly the other way too - Ash blahblahblah (i should really learn his surname) is just a crush, he's world famous and i'd never have a chance with him, there are loads of super hot tattooed girls at college and at zombie prom too - i tried to make the point but he just doesn't see it at all. he just doesn't understand that it works both ways.

and then after alll that only two days ago today he goes and posts this picture of Katy Perry. i mean for fucks sake. how is that fair!? i post a picture of a hot celebrity and he gets upset but he doesn't think twice about him posting one... even after the points i made (or at least tried to make the other day)
luckily (especially since i'm not crazy hormonal anymore) it doesn't really bother me. with guys being guys i've kind of got used to the fact that they are always gonna have pictures of hot naked girls, i'm secure enough knowing that he loves me so that's not what's bothering me, it's the injustice of it all. i basically can't post any pictures of any guys without it bothering Tom yet Tom obviously doesn't see any problem in posting semi naked pictures of women as and when he pleases - how is that fair? he must not doesn't think twice about it, especially since he knows i'm extremely insecure about my boobs so this particular photo would get to me if i wasn't so tolerant. i've had to get used to the idea of him looking at and lusting over other women so why can't he get used to the idea of me doing the same to other men? is that really unfair of me to ask?

crying headaches are the worst

so fed up

there just seems to be some kind of problem, some drama or upset every day
it's like we can't just have more than a day where we're really happy and nothing goes wrong
there's always something that causes a sulk or a mood or an argument
and it makes me sad :(
i'm so fed up because i really do love him and i want us to be happy together, but it doesn't seem to be working very well :(
starting to think we need to postpone booking our trip and sort ourselves out first... :/

*sigh*
super glum :( definitely don't feel like going out tomorrow now :/
gonna go to bed and hope that i feel better in the morning, got a horrible feeling i won't though...
ooooo :(

omg

i post one photo of ash whats-his-face topless and he goes into a sulk...
how does he think it makes me feel with him constantly liking photos of beautiful busty women left right and centre?

feeling like it's all going so quickly and i've lost control

feeling super nostalgic and being freaked out by how long ago certain things were and getting fed up about the mess my life seems to have become
this time 3 years ago i was so happy, where did it all go wrong?
feeling the need to start over again... can't wait to move away to uni

still can't stop thinking about it

please please someone give me £4000? or show me how i can get it?

FEDUP :(

really want a boob job

having one of those phases where i just think about it all the time
i can't stop thinking about it
god if someone gave me the money i'd book it tomorrow
eurgh
grump grump grump

i don't think it was just "one of those days"

i think i'm having "one of those phases"
one of those phases where i feel extra insecure and extra low for days on end
it starts with one thing and then my self esteem just plummets and then i torture myself by looking through photos and picking out every little thing that i don't like about myself
and now i could cry...
i'm so low.... being super hormonal really isn't helping either
eurghhhhh i hate myself when i'm like this, in more than one way...

wore my corset to college today

by the time i got home i'd been wearing it for 12 hours! still wearing it at 25 and a half mind....
it's really frustrating because it's only a half an inch reduction which seems shit to start with but any lower is just wayyy to uncomfortable :(
had i little play around when i got in. i seem to be able to lace it tighter when i've been wearing it for a long time. managed to lace it down to 24 inches! couldn't have worn it like that for more than a few minutes though - it was so fucking uncomfortable.
wearing it at 25inches now, which is still pretty uncomfortable tbh... was planning to wear it for a couple of hours before bed but it's actually starting to hurt a bit so i might just take it off soon.

having one of those days

can't wait till i can get a boob job
:(