But with purple ends instead of turquoise :)) <3
Thursday 31 March 2011
gonna be a good weekend
Tomorrow - dying hairrr :D i will post pictures :))
Saturday - Partay at Ellie's
Sunday - Champagne and cake at Jen's followed by a Pub Crawl dressed as aliens :D that should be interesting :P
The only thing that could ruin my weekend is Tom. He's going to Ellie's :( eurghhhhh
Saturday - Partay at Ellie's
Sunday - Champagne and cake at Jen's followed by a Pub Crawl dressed as aliens :D that should be interesting :P
The only thing that could ruin my weekend is Tom. He's going to Ellie's :( eurghhhhh
Wednesday 30 March 2011
listening to glee to lift my mood :)
my purple hair dye has arrived :D
doing the patch test for my brown dye over the next 48 hours so I can dye it all on friday :D exciteddd
me and TB definitely need to slow things down... not a good day at all for us
stressed outtt about my graphics and textiles D:
in fact I should probably be doing work instead of writing crap on here....
in fact scrap that... the hairspray soundtrack is way better <3 plus i know all words :P
doing the patch test for my brown dye over the next 48 hours so I can dye it all on friday :D exciteddd
me and TB definitely need to slow things down... not a good day at all for us
stressed outtt about my graphics and textiles D:
in fact I should probably be doing work instead of writing crap on here....
in fact scrap that... the hairspray soundtrack is way better <3 plus i know all words :P
in brighter news..
got offered a place on the foundation diploma course :)
.... i should be happier but i can't shake my glumness
.... i should be happier but i can't shake my glumness
Monday 28 March 2011
Sunday 27 March 2011
DIP DYED HAIR
tomorrow I am buying brown hair dyee :))) finallyyy :D i want it to be like thisss
i'm also planning to buy purple/pink/burgundy (or maybe turquoise) dye to dip dye the ends :D or i might just dye the whole thing purple... finally having this kind of freedom is so exciting and refreshing :))
i want it to be like this
but with a lot more of it purple, like 3 times what she has
i've become quite obsessed with hair colour recently
the girl in the middle is so stunning.
the pink colour on the left is a dip dye consideration... might do pink last half and then purple last 3 inches... so much choice :D
so happy right now... i feel so free and happy and optimistic... i feel like the world is my oyster... loving this mood <3
also i might get tumblr since i feel like i should post more pictures... hmmmmm, maybe it's time for me to move on from here
happy happy happy
more posts coming tomorrow
love yas
E xxx
i'm also planning to buy purple/pink/burgundy (or maybe turquoise) dye to dip dye the ends :D or i might just dye the whole thing purple... finally having this kind of freedom is so exciting and refreshing :))
i want it to be like this
but with a lot more of it purple, like 3 times what she has
i've become quite obsessed with hair colour recently
the girl in the middle is so stunning.
the pink colour on the left is a dip dye consideration... might do pink last half and then purple last 3 inches... so much choice :D
so happy right now... i feel so free and happy and optimistic... i feel like the world is my oyster... loving this mood <3
also i might get tumblr since i feel like i should post more pictures... hmmmmm, maybe it's time for me to move on from here
happy happy happy
more posts coming tomorrow
love yas
E xxx
Girl Crushhh
Also, perfume is the weirdest/creepiest film i have ever seen. Really wishing I hadn't watched it before bed :/
Tomorrow I'm planning to have a productive day and do a couple of posts on various topics.
We'll see how that goes...
Night
E xxx
Friday 25 March 2011
Monday 21 March 2011
if you wid it girl i know a place we could go...
love being in the library with raunchy r&b full blast on my ipod
Sunday 13 March 2011
we're living in a den of thieves and it's contagious
i watched (500) Days of Summer last night and it was really... thought provoking. I dunno, it made me feel happy and sad at the same time. Definitely a must watch if you haven't seen it.
Friday was dreadful. It was fine up until last lesson when I decided to go up to graphics to do some extra work. I strolled on in only to come face to face with TB. I almost stopped dead in my tracks, and there was a moment where we just stared at each other as I walked towards the table. It was horrible, so awkward. I put my bag down and immediately went into the computer room even though I didn't have any computer work to do. I slumped down and put my head in my hands. It's so difficult facing him. So, i sat in the computer room doing nothing for an hour... i would've left early but i had nowhere else to go plus I couldn't bare going back into that room knowing he'd just be sat there staring me down again. I only left once he had. It put me in a foul mood. All i wanted to do was run away and cry and cry and cry and have him miss me and kiss him. I hate this. I hate myself even more for finding it so difficult. So i went out to try and cheer myself up and just ended up sat in silence all night, feeling sorry for myself because I've screwed up everything and I couldn't even afford to get drunk enough to forget it.
The mood has also given me a self esteem issue. For the first time since I remember, I felt disgusting, I felt fat on friday night. I stood in front of the mirror for ages before I left just pulling my waist in, and being horrified by my short chunky legs. I've decided I'm getting slightly chunky. I need to cut down on my eating and do more exercise. So from tomorrow I'm going to start eating less and start doing 'Davinas' with my mum. Today I had an apple for lunch but then kinda ruined it by having a chocolate melt in the middle pudding with cream D: I really need to find a way to stop my love for food. I also need to get back into my waist training. I hadn't done it in a couple of weeks before today. I still managed to get down to 24 and a half but it was super super uncomfortable. I really really wanna be 24 inches.
I need money, and a boob job.
And i need to let him go already.
I've become obsessed with 50s clothes.
I can't wait for the easter holidays. College is such a drag atm. And i've started skipping lessons again... *sighhh* I can't wait for summer even more. Turkey and Reading and then i'll never have to see him again.
Night
E xx
Friday was dreadful. It was fine up until last lesson when I decided to go up to graphics to do some extra work. I strolled on in only to come face to face with TB. I almost stopped dead in my tracks, and there was a moment where we just stared at each other as I walked towards the table. It was horrible, so awkward. I put my bag down and immediately went into the computer room even though I didn't have any computer work to do. I slumped down and put my head in my hands. It's so difficult facing him. So, i sat in the computer room doing nothing for an hour... i would've left early but i had nowhere else to go plus I couldn't bare going back into that room knowing he'd just be sat there staring me down again. I only left once he had. It put me in a foul mood. All i wanted to do was run away and cry and cry and cry and have him miss me and kiss him. I hate this. I hate myself even more for finding it so difficult. So i went out to try and cheer myself up and just ended up sat in silence all night, feeling sorry for myself because I've screwed up everything and I couldn't even afford to get drunk enough to forget it.
The mood has also given me a self esteem issue. For the first time since I remember, I felt disgusting, I felt fat on friday night. I stood in front of the mirror for ages before I left just pulling my waist in, and being horrified by my short chunky legs. I've decided I'm getting slightly chunky. I need to cut down on my eating and do more exercise. So from tomorrow I'm going to start eating less and start doing 'Davinas' with my mum. Today I had an apple for lunch but then kinda ruined it by having a chocolate melt in the middle pudding with cream D: I really need to find a way to stop my love for food. I also need to get back into my waist training. I hadn't done it in a couple of weeks before today. I still managed to get down to 24 and a half but it was super super uncomfortable. I really really wanna be 24 inches.
I need money, and a boob job.
And i need to let him go already.
I've become obsessed with 50s clothes.
I can't wait for the easter holidays. College is such a drag atm. And i've started skipping lessons again... *sighhh* I can't wait for summer even more. Turkey and Reading and then i'll never have to see him again.
Night
E xx
Wednesday 9 March 2011
so i replied
I couldn't go to bed without replying and I couldn't stay up any longer
I was polite yet short... and it hurt me so much
I wasn't rude, but i kinda cut him off and sounded like I didn't want to talk to him... which was so difficult because I really do :'( but i know it's the right thing to do, and even though I really don't want to, I know I have to keep things this way... it just upsets me so so much......
Gonna go cry myself to sleep now
I was polite yet short... and it hurt me so much
I wasn't rude, but i kinda cut him off and sounded like I didn't want to talk to him... which was so difficult because I really do :'( but i know it's the right thing to do, and even though I really don't want to, I know I have to keep things this way... it just upsets me so so much......
Gonna go cry myself to sleep now
EPIC FML
Last night was not worth it
Yeh it was nice going with Tom, it was cool to go to nottingham, and i guess it was cool to see Skrillex in the flesh... but it was not worth getting battered and bruised, smashing up my favorite pair of earrings, being absolutely soaked in sweat, being crushed and not being able to breathe, panicking and crying, feeling absolutely exhausted the next day and missing my only whole coursework day of the week for work that's due in in less than two weeks. Over all, kinda wishing i hadn't gone.... although, good points: got to spend the whole of today with tom which was rare and lovely and didn't have to face a whole double graphics lesson with TB... another subject I need to vent about........
I really can't handle this... i can't believe it's only been a week, it ridiculous how much i miss him, and i can't even understand why.... i'm not worried about him anymore, i see him all the time and he looks happy, and i'm happy with tom, so it's not a "i wanna be with him" type thing, and i've got plenty of work and friends to keep my occupied, so it's not like i have nothing else to do with my time but think about him... but however hard I try not to, I think about him all of the time...
And to make matters worse, I'VE STARTED DREAMING ABOUT HIM.... when things get in my dreams I know shit's bad... my dreams are usually absolute nonsense, i've come to realise that I only ever dream about issues in my actual life when shit is really serious.
Monday night I dreamt that I woke up and he was topless with me in bed and I was happy about it... it felt so real that I legit woke up expecting him to be there. Then dreamt about him again last night... didn't see him in this one.. instead I dreamt that I saw jenny writing a text to him saying "I can understand why you miss her, maybe you should try talking to her?"... again it seemed totally real, even after i woke up i had to seriously think about whether it had actually happened or not....and i'm so annoyed with myself for wanting to talk to him, for missing him and wanting him to miss me back. because I know that not talking is the best and only way for us, and I know that deep down I still have feelings for him and I hate myself for it, and i wish i could cope better with not talking... seeing him around college is the worst thing, especially when he catches me looking... I keep wishing I could just skip straight to summer and then he could fuck off to uni and i'd never have to see him again... yeh i'd still miss him, but not having to see him would make things a whole lot easier....
Anyway.... as if TWO dreams one after the other wasn't enough, tonight (after contemplating for a while whether to text him or not before deciding i must be strong) i got a "i still care about you" text off him. A FUCKING "I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU" TEXT. WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO SAY TO THAT!? And i can't not reply because that's just downright rude....AHHHH i don't know what to do with myself...
so depressed right now
and, just to make matters worse, tomorrow I have to go in to college first thing, I have to face him and my mountain of coursework, my tutor will be straight on my back about taking today off AND i have my january exam result which I know i've failed.. and i'm not even talking "omg i just know i've done so bad" *gets an A*... seriously, i have failed.
super duper fucking brilliant
the only thing that's making me feel slightly better is that I still have tom... if i lost him too right now i honestly don't know what i'd do.. i couldn't cope... and the thought of that scares me... it's already happened once before and I never want to feel that way again
Yeh it was nice going with Tom, it was cool to go to nottingham, and i guess it was cool to see Skrillex in the flesh... but it was not worth getting battered and bruised, smashing up my favorite pair of earrings, being absolutely soaked in sweat, being crushed and not being able to breathe, panicking and crying, feeling absolutely exhausted the next day and missing my only whole coursework day of the week for work that's due in in less than two weeks. Over all, kinda wishing i hadn't gone.... although, good points: got to spend the whole of today with tom which was rare and lovely and didn't have to face a whole double graphics lesson with TB... another subject I need to vent about........
I really can't handle this... i can't believe it's only been a week, it ridiculous how much i miss him, and i can't even understand why.... i'm not worried about him anymore, i see him all the time and he looks happy, and i'm happy with tom, so it's not a "i wanna be with him" type thing, and i've got plenty of work and friends to keep my occupied, so it's not like i have nothing else to do with my time but think about him... but however hard I try not to, I think about him all of the time...
And to make matters worse, I'VE STARTED DREAMING ABOUT HIM.... when things get in my dreams I know shit's bad... my dreams are usually absolute nonsense, i've come to realise that I only ever dream about issues in my actual life when shit is really serious.
Monday night I dreamt that I woke up and he was topless with me in bed and I was happy about it... it felt so real that I legit woke up expecting him to be there. Then dreamt about him again last night... didn't see him in this one.. instead I dreamt that I saw jenny writing a text to him saying "I can understand why you miss her, maybe you should try talking to her?"... again it seemed totally real, even after i woke up i had to seriously think about whether it had actually happened or not....and i'm so annoyed with myself for wanting to talk to him, for missing him and wanting him to miss me back. because I know that not talking is the best and only way for us, and I know that deep down I still have feelings for him and I hate myself for it, and i wish i could cope better with not talking... seeing him around college is the worst thing, especially when he catches me looking... I keep wishing I could just skip straight to summer and then he could fuck off to uni and i'd never have to see him again... yeh i'd still miss him, but not having to see him would make things a whole lot easier....
Anyway.... as if TWO dreams one after the other wasn't enough, tonight (after contemplating for a while whether to text him or not before deciding i must be strong) i got a "i still care about you" text off him. A FUCKING "I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU" TEXT. WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO SAY TO THAT!? And i can't not reply because that's just downright rude....AHHHH i don't know what to do with myself...
so depressed right now
and, just to make matters worse, tomorrow I have to go in to college first thing, I have to face him and my mountain of coursework, my tutor will be straight on my back about taking today off AND i have my january exam result which I know i've failed.. and i'm not even talking "omg i just know i've done so bad" *gets an A*... seriously, i have failed.
super duper fucking brilliant
the only thing that's making me feel slightly better is that I still have tom... if i lost him too right now i honestly don't know what i'd do.. i couldn't cope... and the thought of that scares me... it's already happened once before and I never want to feel that way again
Monday 7 March 2011
it's been too long....
Ever have one of those days where you feel fed up of being nice? Feeling like that this afternoon.... I think it's because of the anger that the horrid screaming children in the crystal are giving me... why must they scream so loud all the time? And then their parents just sit there repeating their name monotonally (< not quite sure if that's a word) as if the kids are going to take any notice... I just have no patience with children, before I found my ipod I thought I might actually have to kick one of them in the face. I keep telling myself I'll have nice, quiet, well behaved children...
So much happening tomorrow... pancake day, evening feast at rose's and then seeing Skrillex in nottingham with tom.... nervous about that... not getting back home till 4am, definitely not going to college on Wednesday morning.
Still very much in need of a job... might go asking around in a bit ... although I have dirty hair :/ maybe wait till I've washed my hair....
I've also decided that I'm gonna learn to drive.. I have two instructors' numbers! Just gotta pluck up the courage to call them :s
So tired all the time recently... I could quite easily nap right here in crystal... with my ipod in of course... shleepy shleepy shleepy...
So much happening tomorrow... pancake day, evening feast at rose's and then seeing Skrillex in nottingham with tom.... nervous about that... not getting back home till 4am, definitely not going to college on Wednesday morning.
Still very much in need of a job... might go asking around in a bit ... although I have dirty hair :/ maybe wait till I've washed my hair....
I've also decided that I'm gonna learn to drive.. I have two instructors' numbers! Just gotta pluck up the courage to call them :s
So tired all the time recently... I could quite easily nap right here in crystal... with my ipod in of course... shleepy shleepy shleepy...
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