The last day in Looe was lovely :) apart from having terrible, unexplained stomach cramps for most of the day :/
We woke up late and had roast lunch and then went for a walk :) then we went and got ice keeem (with chocolate sprinkles :D) before going on a glass bottom boat round Looe island.. and we saw seals!!! :D they were sosososo cute! :DD
Then we had the lonnggg car journey back :( but i managed to sleep for some of it so it wasn't too bad :) and we had pizzaaa when we got home :))
I feel so close to him now.. it's like we're together again <3 i know this is exactly what i didn't want but it's lovely while it lasts.. and if i let the worry of getting hurt put me off then i'd never do anything.
Talking of doing things, I'M GOING TO READING TOMORROW... ahhhhh i can't quite believe it :)
Bands i want to/hope to see:
The Libertines, Dizzie Rascal, Mystery Jets, Blink 182, Paramore, Mumford and Sons, Two Door Cinema Club, Pendulum, Crystal Castles, Hadouken!, 3OH!3, Marina and the Diamonds, Darwin Deez (simply cuz he's so funny looking), even though i've never heard of any bands playing on the BBC Introducing stage, i might hang out there a lot because usually bands that play there become really famous.. so i'll be able to saw i'd not only heard of them but seen them before anyone else ;) And of course, THIE MIDNIGHT BEAST :D eeee (i want stefan!!)
I should probably finish packing.. i really hope it doesn't rain too much... although rain does make a good (but cold) shower ;) haha.. oooo i wanna go in the human car wash tooo :))
I keep going over my packing list to make sure i haven't forgotten anything.
I leave the house at around 6.30 in the morning :/ so i should probably shower and shave and stuff tonight shouldn't i.. hmmm might go do the now... although i'd really rather shower in the morningggg :/ we'll see...
Should be getting back around Monday tea time :) It'll feel so good to have a proper shower and a proper meal and sleep in a proper bed! :P
Anyway, i'm off, wish me luck for my first festival! :D
Byeee xxxxx
Wednesday 25 August 2010
Saturday 21 August 2010
cookies and hot chocolate :)
The indian last night was gooood :) real good :) i had chicken tikka biryani :)
I ended up feeling a bit sick later on though :( i think it was cause i'd eaten so much and then i was drinking vodka and coke and i had a bit of weed too.. it was all too much :/
Today's been good as far as food goes :D
We got up early and went to this really nice 17th century pub for breakfast :)
Then we went to the co-op to get some shopping (shampoo, painkillers, cookies, activia and pain au chocolat) before going crab fishing :D we caught loads! :D (well, like 8... which is loads compared to last year when we didn't catch one)
Then we went to the bakery for lunch and had a pasty and this big chocolate sponge cream and jam roll (it was called chocolate roulade) which we walked over to a little stone tower on west looe to eat... with a splif :/ i didn't feel any different from it though tbf.. T says it wasn't very good stuff cuz he didn't get it from the usual guy.
We went to the arcade for a bit... spent loads of money trying to get a blue token, which looking back now was a waste of time since it wasn't actually worth that much :P
We went to the MEXICAN tonight :D :D It was SOOO GOOD :D i think it's like my favourite restaurant :)
I had chicken fajitas.. 4 of them! :P
And we went for a boonana spilll after at the swan inn :) twas lovely.. and now we're back at the house drinking hot chocolate and eating cookiess :)
It's our last night here and it's raining again so unfortunately it doesn't look like there's gonna be any sex on the beach happening :P
As for the rest of the to-do list:
Mexican - check
Fish and chipp - check
Banana split - check
Crab fishing - check
Arcade - check
Dodgy night club - way to dodgy :P we past it last night and it was playing like power ballads and shit
Shark Spotting - wayyy too expensive! £40!! :O
Late night sex on the beach - no dry/warm weatherr :(
So that just leaves the ice keemm with sprinkles to get tomorrow :)
We're leaving at 5 so we have most of the day to do stufff
Right off now to get drunk and have some fun times ;) haha :P
Byeee
E xxx
I ended up feeling a bit sick later on though :( i think it was cause i'd eaten so much and then i was drinking vodka and coke and i had a bit of weed too.. it was all too much :/
Today's been good as far as food goes :D
We got up early and went to this really nice 17th century pub for breakfast :)
Then we went to the co-op to get some shopping (shampoo, painkillers, cookies, activia and pain au chocolat) before going crab fishing :D we caught loads! :D (well, like 8... which is loads compared to last year when we didn't catch one)
Then we went to the bakery for lunch and had a pasty and this big chocolate sponge cream and jam roll (it was called chocolate roulade) which we walked over to a little stone tower on west looe to eat... with a splif :/ i didn't feel any different from it though tbf.. T says it wasn't very good stuff cuz he didn't get it from the usual guy.
We went to the arcade for a bit... spent loads of money trying to get a blue token, which looking back now was a waste of time since it wasn't actually worth that much :P
We went to the MEXICAN tonight :D :D It was SOOO GOOD :D i think it's like my favourite restaurant :)
I had chicken fajitas.. 4 of them! :P
And we went for a boonana spilll after at the swan inn :) twas lovely.. and now we're back at the house drinking hot chocolate and eating cookiess :)
It's our last night here and it's raining again so unfortunately it doesn't look like there's gonna be any sex on the beach happening :P
As for the rest of the to-do list:
Mexican - check
Fish and chipp - check
Banana split - check
Crab fishing - check
Arcade - check
Dodgy night club - way to dodgy :P we past it last night and it was playing like power ballads and shit
Shark Spotting - wayyy too expensive! £40!! :O
Late night sex on the beach - no dry/warm weatherr :(
So that just leaves the ice keemm with sprinkles to get tomorrow :)
We're leaving at 5 so we have most of the day to do stufff
Right off now to get drunk and have some fun times ;) haha :P
Byeee
E xxx
Friday 20 August 2010
Looe :))
I'm in Looe with the ex :)
It's really nice.... even if it is pouring it down with rain :/ and there's no sun forcast until monday, after we go home (going back sunday evening)
We arrived at about 1 and went for fish and chips before having a wonder round the town.
We're going for an Indian tonight and then Mexican tomorrow night! :D MEXICANNN :D i'm excited
As for my results.....
They were no where near as bad as i expected! :) I got ABCC... one of the Cs was in the subject i'm dropping anyway so it was all good.. such a relief :) and my parents were proud of me :) so i was very happy... and i did go out in the end.
I didn't drink but i still had a really good funny night without feeling awful the next day. It's made me realise i don't have to get drunk to have a good time :)
I might blog again later (especially if i have another sleepless night) letting you know what else we got up to and how the indian was :)
In a bizzle
E xxx
It's really nice.... even if it is pouring it down with rain :/ and there's no sun forcast until monday, after we go home (going back sunday evening)
We arrived at about 1 and went for fish and chips before having a wonder round the town.
We're going for an Indian tonight and then Mexican tomorrow night! :D MEXICANNN :D i'm excited
As for my results.....
They were no where near as bad as i expected! :) I got ABCC... one of the Cs was in the subject i'm dropping anyway so it was all good.. such a relief :) and my parents were proud of me :) so i was very happy... and i did go out in the end.
I didn't drink but i still had a really good funny night without feeling awful the next day. It's made me realise i don't have to get drunk to have a good time :)
I might blog again later (especially if i have another sleepless night) letting you know what else we got up to and how the indian was :)
In a bizzle
E xxx
Thursday 19 August 2010
wow..
sorry about the past few posts :/
just late night arguments with my ex doing my head in :(
so i went out last night (got back at 12.30 but haven't really slept at all because i drank energy drink and now my body won't switch off :@)
it was wierdd, good but also not good...hmmm, i shall explain:
my friend had a party because 3 scousers she met on holiday were staying with her and she wanted us all to meet them (i will call her Jane for now)
... Anyway, i arrive and find out my ex is there (smoking weed outside of course. eurgh) ...even though he hadn't been invited.. and i'd spoken to him earlier that day and he hadn't mentioned he was going... so that puzzled me a little
... I got introduced to the scousers (they were a year older than us) and the one (i shall call him Pete) was really nice. He was good looking.. tall, slim but not skinny, with a lil facial hair (which was nice seeing as almost none of my guy friends are even shaving yet) and his eyes were.. i dunno, really captivating. that sounds cheesy but it's true. they were really bright blue which stood out against his dark hair. and he was really friendly.. we got talking and ended up flirting a little and i really enjoyed it... he was a really attractive guy and it was nice having him take an interest in me.. i actually quite liked him (shame he lives in liverpool)
... Anyway, it was really awkward because my ex had noticed and he kept following me round everywhere... i mean it was only flirting and i wasn't gonna act on it because i'm still in the "seeing each other in secret" thing with my ex.. obviously that's why he was following me round, i mean i understand, but i didn't like it at all... it made things awkward when i just wanted to have a bit of chat and harmless flirtation with Pete.. i mean it's not like i'm ever gonna see him again so it was the only chance i had
... I dunno, although i wasn't planning to act on my attraction to him (even if i hadn't been with my ex, since he had sorta been dibsed by Jane) but the whole 'ex-following-me-round' thing made me feel like i was being controlled.. and i didn't like it at all.
I still can't decided what i want... last night made me wanna be completely single.. but then when i think back to when i was, before i had this thing with my ex, i hated it and i just felt so unloved and alone all the time. i feel more confident now but i think that's only because i'm getting love off him :/ hmmm who knows... i guess i'll just carry on taking each day as it comes :/
Other stuffff:
- I get my results later today D: absolutely dreading it tbh :( i mean i really think i've done badly and i know i'll be disappointed in myself but the thing i'm dreading most is how disappointed in me my parents are gonna be. At school i was always so studious. I worked really hard and always put so much effort into all my work and exams because i wanted to do well, and i was pretty much a straight A student throughout school and in my GCSEs. I think my parents are just expecting a repeat of that and i know that's not gonna happen. And although A-levels are far more difficult than GCSE, i know i can't solely blame bad grades on that because i simply didn't put as much effort in as i could have :(
- maybe going to Looe tomorrow. He still hasn't asked his parents IF they can give us a lift, let alone what time we'd be going. I hope it's late tomorrow tbh... i need more time to catch up on this missed sleep... i might skip on the results night party/drinking tonight actually. i drank more than i was planning to last night and now the thought of drinking again makes me feel physically sick.. i might sleep away my sorrows instead of drowning them.
I might blog again later.. maybe about my results-induced self-pity... and i'll probably blog tomorrow if i go to Looe... now that my sleeping patterns completely messing up (i've had three nights of no sleep in the past 5 days) i have way more time for writing blogs!
Anywaysss, i'm actually gonna get up now (yes at 7.20 in the morning during the summer holidays) because i really can't sleep and i've actually got loads i need to do today before i leave the house at noon so i might as well get up and start doing stuff
Laterrr
E xxx
just late night arguments with my ex doing my head in :(
so i went out last night (got back at 12.30 but haven't really slept at all because i drank energy drink and now my body won't switch off :@)
it was wierdd, good but also not good...hmmm, i shall explain:
my friend had a party because 3 scousers she met on holiday were staying with her and she wanted us all to meet them (i will call her Jane for now)
... Anyway, i arrive and find out my ex is there (smoking weed outside of course. eurgh) ...even though he hadn't been invited.. and i'd spoken to him earlier that day and he hadn't mentioned he was going... so that puzzled me a little
... I got introduced to the scousers (they were a year older than us) and the one (i shall call him Pete) was really nice. He was good looking.. tall, slim but not skinny, with a lil facial hair (which was nice seeing as almost none of my guy friends are even shaving yet) and his eyes were.. i dunno, really captivating. that sounds cheesy but it's true. they were really bright blue which stood out against his dark hair. and he was really friendly.. we got talking and ended up flirting a little and i really enjoyed it... he was a really attractive guy and it was nice having him take an interest in me.. i actually quite liked him (shame he lives in liverpool)
... Anyway, it was really awkward because my ex had noticed and he kept following me round everywhere... i mean it was only flirting and i wasn't gonna act on it because i'm still in the "seeing each other in secret" thing with my ex.. obviously that's why he was following me round, i mean i understand, but i didn't like it at all... it made things awkward when i just wanted to have a bit of chat and harmless flirtation with Pete.. i mean it's not like i'm ever gonna see him again so it was the only chance i had
... I dunno, although i wasn't planning to act on my attraction to him (even if i hadn't been with my ex, since he had sorta been dibsed by Jane) but the whole 'ex-following-me-round' thing made me feel like i was being controlled.. and i didn't like it at all.
I still can't decided what i want... last night made me wanna be completely single.. but then when i think back to when i was, before i had this thing with my ex, i hated it and i just felt so unloved and alone all the time. i feel more confident now but i think that's only because i'm getting love off him :/ hmmm who knows... i guess i'll just carry on taking each day as it comes :/
Other stuffff:
- I get my results later today D: absolutely dreading it tbh :( i mean i really think i've done badly and i know i'll be disappointed in myself but the thing i'm dreading most is how disappointed in me my parents are gonna be. At school i was always so studious. I worked really hard and always put so much effort into all my work and exams because i wanted to do well, and i was pretty much a straight A student throughout school and in my GCSEs. I think my parents are just expecting a repeat of that and i know that's not gonna happen. And although A-levels are far more difficult than GCSE, i know i can't solely blame bad grades on that because i simply didn't put as much effort in as i could have :(
- maybe going to Looe tomorrow. He still hasn't asked his parents IF they can give us a lift, let alone what time we'd be going. I hope it's late tomorrow tbh... i need more time to catch up on this missed sleep... i might skip on the results night party/drinking tonight actually. i drank more than i was planning to last night and now the thought of drinking again makes me feel physically sick.. i might sleep away my sorrows instead of drowning them.
I might blog again later.. maybe about my results-induced self-pity... and i'll probably blog tomorrow if i go to Looe... now that my sleeping patterns completely messing up (i've had three nights of no sleep in the past 5 days) i have way more time for writing blogs!
Anywaysss, i'm actually gonna get up now (yes at 7.20 in the morning during the summer holidays) because i really can't sleep and i've actually got loads i need to do today before i leave the house at noon so i might as well get up and start doing stuff
Laterrr
E xxx
Tuesday 17 August 2010
Monday 16 August 2010
way out in the morning sun...
- the weathers been lovely recently :) - we had a thunderstorm on saturday! :D eeeeeee :D i love thunderstorms :D and then yesterday and today have been really sunny and warm, like a proper summer :)
- me and the ex are closer recently, been spending more time together.
The other night we lay out in the garden and watched a meteor shower <3
And, i've gotta be honest, we've been having some really good sex :P haha :) not much foreplay though... although the sex makes up for it :) ...i really like it now because in the past, when we were together i always had a much higher sex drive than he did... i'd get really frustrated over it... but now, i dunno, he's changed and now our sex drives seem to match more :) the other day, we hadn't had sex in a week (which isn't much - we've gone a month and more in the past!) and he was like "we haven't had sex in agesss".. haha made me laugh.. made me happy too though cuz i felt exactly the same :P
-Anywayy, he has a house down in Looe (in Cornwall) that we went to when we were together this time last year, and on Friday i'm going down there again :) i love it down there, it's so nice, especially being with there with him.. just the two of us in a place away from everybody else... some of my best memories of being with him are from when we went to Looe together.
I'm really really looking forward to it :) The only thing is that, like i said, i know this situation isn't going to last for much longer, we're not together (even though it feels like it more recently) and niether of us want to be together so i honestly don't know what's gonna happen...but it's gonna end soon, and i'm worried that going to Looe will cause me to get more attached to him.. i don't know if i'd be able to cope with that :/
But i'd still rather go and end up hurting more than not go at all, just for the happiness it'll give me in the short term and i'll have more memories with him :)
Looe to do list:
A few things we did last year :)
- Go to the awesome Mexican restaurant there :D
- Have a banana spilt and cornwall's famous fish and chips and their ice cream (with sprinkles)
- Go crab fishing
- Go to the arcade
Wanna try some new stuff too :)
- Go to the dodgy night club? haha
- Go shark spotting? Depends how expensive it is...
- And late night sex on the beach of course :P
I'll let you know how it goes... might blog while i'm there if i have chance :)
E xxx
- me and the ex are closer recently, been spending more time together.
The other night we lay out in the garden and watched a meteor shower <3
And, i've gotta be honest, we've been having some really good sex :P haha :) not much foreplay though... although the sex makes up for it :) ...i really like it now because in the past, when we were together i always had a much higher sex drive than he did... i'd get really frustrated over it... but now, i dunno, he's changed and now our sex drives seem to match more :) the other day, we hadn't had sex in a week (which isn't much - we've gone a month and more in the past!) and he was like "we haven't had sex in agesss".. haha made me laugh.. made me happy too though cuz i felt exactly the same :P
-Anywayy, he has a house down in Looe (in Cornwall) that we went to when we were together this time last year, and on Friday i'm going down there again :) i love it down there, it's so nice, especially being with there with him.. just the two of us in a place away from everybody else... some of my best memories of being with him are from when we went to Looe together.
I'm really really looking forward to it :) The only thing is that, like i said, i know this situation isn't going to last for much longer, we're not together (even though it feels like it more recently) and niether of us want to be together so i honestly don't know what's gonna happen...but it's gonna end soon, and i'm worried that going to Looe will cause me to get more attached to him.. i don't know if i'd be able to cope with that :/
But i'd still rather go and end up hurting more than not go at all, just for the happiness it'll give me in the short term and i'll have more memories with him :)
Looe to do list:
A few things we did last year :)
- Go to the awesome Mexican restaurant there :D
- Have a banana spilt and cornwall's famous fish and chips and their ice cream (with sprinkles)
- Go crab fishing
- Go to the arcade
Wanna try some new stuff too :)
- Go to the dodgy night club? haha
- Go shark spotting? Depends how expensive it is...
- And late night sex on the beach of course :P
I'll let you know how it goes... might blog while i'm there if i have chance :)
E xxx
Sunday 8 August 2010
and the love kickstarts again..
lifes alright atm :)
last week was good :)
party on the monday
gig at an awesome venue in Brum on wednesday.. with free chili con carne with nachos and cheese! :D mmmm, i only went for the free food tbh :P
i stayed at my ex's both nights :/
i guess we're 'seeing each other' atm.. which is odd.. i'm not sure if i like it or not
i mean, i love being with him, hanging out at his, watching movies, being able to cuddle in his bed, do other stuff with him :P it's nice... and now i don't have the problem of feeling unloved or unwanted
but i'm worried about getting attached to him again... this situation isn't gonna last forever, probably only another couple of weeks i should think :/ i don't wanna feel like i've lost him again...i'm worried because if it wasn't for this situation i would never see him.. we have completely different friend groups now :( i would hate never seeing him
and i kind of want some of the single life too... as far as i was concered, the thing between me and him was just a bit of fun.. i mean it's all a big secret, no-one knows... so i thought when we weren't together we were single...
i got with a guy on monday night.. when i told my ex he was so angry, it felt like i'd cheated on him...
so we discussed things and he made it clear that he hasn't been getting with other girls and he felt as though the situation was more like a relationship... but it's not :/ he made me feel awful because he said "aren't i enough to make you happy?"... he is, kind of, i dunno, i really don't love him like i used to :/ but more than that, he would be enough but in a relationship.. atm we're sneaking around, keeping it from everyone, and we both know it's gonna end soon, so it's nothing like a relationship.. and more than that, i don't want a relationship with him....
maybe i want to be a single girl... but then i was that, and i just ended up feeling unloved and lonely :/
i don't know what i want
ahh well, seeing him tomorrow... i guess i'll just see how things go, and i'll try not to get too attached.
byeee, might report tomorrow afternoon.. going shopping :D i'll inform you if i buy anything interesting
E xxx
p.s. i dyed my hair blonde :) not sure if i like it though.. probably go back to brown next week
last week was good :)
party on the monday
gig at an awesome venue in Brum on wednesday.. with free chili con carne with nachos and cheese! :D mmmm, i only went for the free food tbh :P
i stayed at my ex's both nights :/
i guess we're 'seeing each other' atm.. which is odd.. i'm not sure if i like it or not
i mean, i love being with him, hanging out at his, watching movies, being able to cuddle in his bed, do other stuff with him :P it's nice... and now i don't have the problem of feeling unloved or unwanted
but i'm worried about getting attached to him again... this situation isn't gonna last forever, probably only another couple of weeks i should think :/ i don't wanna feel like i've lost him again...i'm worried because if it wasn't for this situation i would never see him.. we have completely different friend groups now :( i would hate never seeing him
and i kind of want some of the single life too... as far as i was concered, the thing between me and him was just a bit of fun.. i mean it's all a big secret, no-one knows... so i thought when we weren't together we were single...
i got with a guy on monday night.. when i told my ex he was so angry, it felt like i'd cheated on him...
so we discussed things and he made it clear that he hasn't been getting with other girls and he felt as though the situation was more like a relationship... but it's not :/ he made me feel awful because he said "aren't i enough to make you happy?"... he is, kind of, i dunno, i really don't love him like i used to :/ but more than that, he would be enough but in a relationship.. atm we're sneaking around, keeping it from everyone, and we both know it's gonna end soon, so it's nothing like a relationship.. and more than that, i don't want a relationship with him....
maybe i want to be a single girl... but then i was that, and i just ended up feeling unloved and lonely :/
i don't know what i want
ahh well, seeing him tomorrow... i guess i'll just see how things go, and i'll try not to get too attached.
byeee, might report tomorrow afternoon.. going shopping :D i'll inform you if i buy anything interesting
E xxx
p.s. i dyed my hair blonde :) not sure if i like it though.. probably go back to brown next week
Sunday 1 August 2010
Argghh
I really need to get of the house.
I hate this.
I hate living here :(
It's so difficult all the time.
I can't even pop into town or anything.
I'm getting so fucking fed up of it atm.
It's bad enough usually, but in summer, when everyones out every day and every night, it's so annoying. I can't just go out when i want, where i want, and come back when i want. It's only if my parents are free and if they say ok, which is hardly ever! I miss out on everything :(
I can't cope with staying in all the time. I get so bored. Especially when i see that everyone else is out having a good time.
I hate feeling like this.
I feel like i'm wasting my life away.
I just wanna get out! :'(
I hate this.
I hate living here :(
It's so difficult all the time.
I can't even pop into town or anything.
I'm getting so fucking fed up of it atm.
It's bad enough usually, but in summer, when everyones out every day and every night, it's so annoying. I can't just go out when i want, where i want, and come back when i want. It's only if my parents are free and if they say ok, which is hardly ever! I miss out on everything :(
I can't cope with staying in all the time. I get so bored. Especially when i see that everyone else is out having a good time.
I hate feeling like this.
I feel like i'm wasting my life away.
I just wanna get out! :'(
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