and the love kickstarts again..

lifes alright atm :)

last week was good :)
party on the monday
gig at an awesome venue in Brum on wednesday.. with free chili con carne with nachos and cheese! :D mmmm, i only went for the free food tbh :P
i stayed at my ex's both nights :/
i guess we're 'seeing each other' atm.. which is odd.. i'm not sure if i like it or not

i mean, i love being with him, hanging out at his, watching movies, being able to cuddle in his bed, do other stuff with him :P it's nice... and now i don't have the problem of feeling unloved or unwanted
but i'm worried about getting attached to him again... this situation isn't gonna last forever, probably only another couple of weeks i should think :/ i don't wanna feel like i've lost him again...i'm worried because if it wasn't for this situation i would never see him.. we have completely different friend groups now :( i would hate never seeing him

and i kind of want some of the single life too... as far as i was concered, the thing between me and him was just a bit of fun.. i mean it's all a big secret, no-one knows... so i thought when we weren't together we were single...
i got with a guy on monday night.. when i told my ex he was so angry, it felt like i'd cheated on him...
so we discussed things and he made it clear that he hasn't been getting with other girls and he felt as though the situation was more like a relationship... but it's not :/ he made me feel awful because he said "aren't i enough to make you happy?"... he is, kind of, i dunno, i really don't love him like i used to :/ but more than that, he would be enough but in a relationship.. atm we're sneaking around, keeping it from everyone, and we both know it's gonna end soon, so it's nothing like a relationship.. and more than that, i don't want a relationship with him....
maybe i want to be a single girl... but then i was that, and i just ended up feeling unloved and lonely :/
i don't know what i want

ahh well, seeing him tomorrow... i guess i'll just see how things go, and i'll try not to get too attached.

byeee, might report tomorrow afternoon.. going shopping :D i'll inform you if i buy anything interesting
E xxx

p.s. i dyed my hair blonde :) not sure if i like it though.. probably go back to brown next week