Friday 29 June 2012
putting off going to bed
because it means time goes slower before i have to go on holiday
i have to be up in 2 and a half hours...
i just can't bear leaving, knowing it's gonna be 10 days before i see him again :( 10 days doesn't sound like much but it's gonna be so so hard :( i'm probably gonna cry myself to sleep each night :( the longest we've ever been apart for before now was 5 days and that was horrible so this is gonna be twice as bad :/ although, on the other hand, i guess it'll be good practice for uni, i mean at uni it's gonna be like 3 weeks inbetween us seeing each other :/ which at the moment sounds dreadful, and i'm sure it will be at first, but i think we'll get used to it.... we'll have to tbh, and it'll make the time we do get together so much more special and appreciated :) <3
i'm just trying my best to look forward to the 4 days we'll have together when i get back :) <3
anyway, i might actually try to get some sleep now :/
x
i have to be up in 2 and a half hours...
i just can't bear leaving, knowing it's gonna be 10 days before i see him again :( 10 days doesn't sound like much but it's gonna be so so hard :( i'm probably gonna cry myself to sleep each night :( the longest we've ever been apart for before now was 5 days and that was horrible so this is gonna be twice as bad :/ although, on the other hand, i guess it'll be good practice for uni, i mean at uni it's gonna be like 3 weeks inbetween us seeing each other :/ which at the moment sounds dreadful, and i'm sure it will be at first, but i think we'll get used to it.... we'll have to tbh, and it'll make the time we do get together so much more special and appreciated :) <3
i'm just trying my best to look forward to the 4 days we'll have together when i get back :) <3
anyway, i might actually try to get some sleep now :/
x
Tuesday 19 June 2012
what is wrong with me
i'm the happiest, most in love i've ever been and i've done nothing but push him away recently and now he's sick of me
i'm such a fucking bitch
i hate myself
and now i can't stop crying
i'm such a fucking bitch
i hate myself
and now i can't stop crying
Sunday 17 June 2012
FED UP
want to move away again, i feel trapped and scarred and i don't know...
sometimes i wish i had the courage to just book a one way ticket and leave and see where life takes me.... but i'd probably end up dead in a gutter somewhere
*sighhhh*
sleep for now, day of cleaning tomorrow, and hopefully not too much bloody texting
i don't know what his obsession is with constant texting is
a "good morning" text is nice, a "have you had a good day" text is nice and a "good night text" is nice but anything more than that isn't necessary.
it's like it's a crime to just want to spend the day sat in bed chilling, and pottering round the house doing my own thing instead of checking my phone every 5 minutes. sometimes i just get so tired of texting.
we end up talking about the most mundane stuff, like "what you up to?" it's like, i know he doesn't really care what i'm up to, it's never anything interesting, he's just asking for the sake of asking.
and this whole "i miss you so much :((" "i wish i could be with you :((" thing annoys me because it just makes things worse. it's like, i know you miss me, and you know that i'm missing you too but stating it is only gonna make it worse. it's so negative. what's it gonna be like at uni? "owww it's gonna be two weeks before i get to see you again :(" yeah, great, thanks for reminding me. it makes it go slower if anything. i'd rather talk about good stuff and happy stuff than reminding ourselves how sad we are, is that just me? i dunno.... am i being heartless?
eurghhhhh
fedupfedupfedup of it all
going to bed now
sometimes i wish i had the courage to just book a one way ticket and leave and see where life takes me.... but i'd probably end up dead in a gutter somewhere
*sighhhh*
sleep for now, day of cleaning tomorrow, and hopefully not too much bloody texting
i don't know what his obsession is with constant texting is
a "good morning" text is nice, a "have you had a good day" text is nice and a "good night text" is nice but anything more than that isn't necessary.
it's like it's a crime to just want to spend the day sat in bed chilling, and pottering round the house doing my own thing instead of checking my phone every 5 minutes. sometimes i just get so tired of texting.
we end up talking about the most mundane stuff, like "what you up to?" it's like, i know he doesn't really care what i'm up to, it's never anything interesting, he's just asking for the sake of asking.
and this whole "i miss you so much :((" "i wish i could be with you :((" thing annoys me because it just makes things worse. it's like, i know you miss me, and you know that i'm missing you too but stating it is only gonna make it worse. it's so negative. what's it gonna be like at uni? "owww it's gonna be two weeks before i get to see you again :(" yeah, great, thanks for reminding me. it makes it go slower if anything. i'd rather talk about good stuff and happy stuff than reminding ourselves how sad we are, is that just me? i dunno.... am i being heartless?
eurghhhhh
fedupfedupfedup of it all
going to bed now
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