starry eyed

last night was awful.
went to a party at my ex's house.
drank way to much, way too quickly, and then spent most of the evening crying. wonderful.
i really didn't wanna be there. i realized about an hour into the night that i wasn't ready to be the happy go lucky party girl i usually am.
My ex could tell i was upset, even though i was trying to put on a brave face, n he took me to one side to talk to me, of course i just broke down, he tried to comfort me, n i was alright for a little while after that. but i soon came crashing back down again, i locked myself in the bathroom, sat on the floor n cried. i don't know how long i was in there for, but my ex came n found me. he picked me up and put me to bed, he lay with me for a bit, but i told him to go downstairs and enjoy his party, i didn't want my drunken, overly emotional state to ruin his night. he kept coming back up to check on me though, eventually i just fell asleep.

today, i have an AWFUL hangover, i am so tired :( and to make matters worse i have my self-important snobby grandparents coming round in about an hour. how lovely.

tomorrow, back to college, i have so much work to do :( eurghhh, n then Body Jam at the local leisure centre with my best girl, i'm hoping that will cheer me up a bit, we'll see.

for now i think imma change into some PJs n play online solitaire, i'll try to pretend to be sleeping when my grandparents arrive. wish me luck :/

E xxx

wishing only wounds the heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjZ3h_4rWI4&feature=related

this really hurts

god i miss him so much

doesn't he miss me too?
doesn't he feel lonely?

Sunday, wake up, give me a cigarette...

the inevitable has happened..
we've broken up.
and i do mean we. it was a mutual decision. It was so upsetting :'( we both cried, but it was the right thing to do i think.
thing's weren't right, it wasn't working, and it couldn't be forced.
It's just so upsetting, because we really click so well, we are so comfortable together, love spending time together, we're like the best of friends, he really is the best friend i've ever had. and i think the best one i ever will have. i love him. so much.

i'm feeling funny at the moment.
i really want a change.
i wanna go someone new, do something different, meet new people, make new friends... it's an odd feeling.. although i love the friends i have here, and i do enjoy college, if my parents turned round and said we were moving down south or something i almost think i'd like it. i dunno i just have this really wierd feeling, like i really want a change, i've never felt it before, it's odd.

how can two people, who match so well, just not work?

i just wish he loved me as much as i love him

things aren't right
i love him so much, but i hate him for his lies, broken promises, thoughtlessness....
what am i supposed to do?

i waste too much time caring..

full stops and exclamation marks

i wanna dye ma hair againnn :D:D
i want it either dark dark brown, dark red, or like a plummy, purply, burgandy, brown colour :) and i want it to lastt a bit longer :D i think imma go for 24 washs rather than 6-8 next time :D:D
I can't dye it today though, altho it would be a good day to do it since i have the day off college (yehhhh boiii *fingersnap*) since im going to a partay tomorrow as blossom from the powerfuff girls so i need my lighter hair for that :)

shower time
laterz
E xxx

i hate feeling like this

don't do this to me..

why am i feeling like this again...