also,

stuffing my face with chocolate to make myself feel better really isn't helping my figure :(

i hate being so insecure

i can never seem to shake it
no matter how hard i try, how good i think i look, how drunk i get, i can never feel truly confident, i'm always just searching for someone to tell me i look nice, and then even when they do i don't believe them
i wish i wasn't like this,
i always think that maybe if i was more confident, i wouldn't be so shy and boring...
or maybe that's just the type of person i am
i'm really down about myself today, can't wait till i have enough money for plastic surgery

I keep having really wacky dreams

they're making me sad and stressed and worried :(
i dreamt about him last night... i didn't like it at all

i'm noming on easter egg to make myself feel better

even though i know that long term it's not gonna make me feel better at all...

i hate it when

i see girls who are flawless :(

lust only grows like anger and revenge

back to college tomorrow
tom's birthday tomorrow <3
meal with tom on wednesday :)
final graphics and textiles on thursday. no more graphics or textiles
day off on friday. will and al's birthday drinks followed by pub crawl :D
zombie or something with tom on saturday night
kate's mexican party on sunday night
day to recover on monday, then back to college.

s'gonna be a good week :)

happy :)

I love it when things are good :)
<3

in other news,

i want this hair

i LOVE my brown hair but i'm kinda bored with it already.... :/ my scalp hasn't even recovered from the last dying escapade yet

Also, to go out or to not go out tomorrow night? That is the question....

i keep having these days

not even days, just moments
moments where I miss him a lot
i don't like them at all

imma get brown hair :D

finally made a decision :))
pictures to illustrate my hopes:

getting the dye tomorrow, dying it asap
excitedd :D

can't stop eating chocolate/so glad my dad is going out/feeling quizzical

just watched amelie :)

yesterday was really nice
went to a bbq at one of Tom's friends houses.. met his group, they all seem really nice :) then we went to a pub quiz in the evening and it was fun and he was lovely <3 the more time i spend with him the more I fall in love with him and the more I worry that everything will go wrong somehow.

Tom (ex boyfriend Tom) text me last night as well... which was really weird considering i'd only been thinking about him the night before. It was so odd and completely out of the blue. He said "i'm sorry I never put in as much as you did". I just replied with "I'm sorry too" and i've had nothing back. So strange.

Feeling odd today for some reason. Think i'm just tired and bored and dad has gleefully spent the day winding me up. So glad he's gone out and he won't be back till tomorrow night (Y) yesssss..

I feel like doing something like baking a cake or something but i don't have the motivation to even get out of bed. eurghhhh

sometimes

i really wish more people were up for open relationships
they just sound perfect to me
the stability and loveliness of having a boyfriend without having to give up my freedom and promiscuity
yeh i might get a little jealous but if i was able to get with other guys too I think i'd be alright
i'd just like to try it, y'know?
i want to seriously discuss it with Tom but I know he'd be hurt by me even suggesting it :/

:(

i keep thinking about it and i can feel myself getting upset
gonna to go to sleep as quickly as i can to avoid this escalating any further
really hope i feel differently in the morning

:/

really missing him a lot this evening
like a lot

i fucking hate it when they argue like this

screaming and shouting, mum locking herself in rooms and dad sounding like he's about to break the door down
it's scary
and i have to put my tv on mute so i can listen in case anything kicks off and i have to step in
i hate it
i shouldn't have to do this... i shouldn't have to worry about things getting violent
today's been so nice as well... we can never have just one fully happy day in this house

this afternoon

was wonderful
emily is a super happy bunny :))

such a good night

best night in ages

loving

my new hair now. love it so much :D
i'd post a picture but cba

off out now.. gonna be a good night (Y)

see yas
E xxx

want

also, REALLY want my blonde hair back already! :( as soon as it comes back I wanna dye it lighterrr and then put purple on the ends again <3 <3

overall

tonight's hair dying as been pretty much a fail

my main colour is mousy - exactly what I hate, wishing i'd stayed blonde :/
and the purple isn't even and there isn't enough of it... gonna add more tomorrow

stupid useless hair dye

didn't even take properly
my hair's like 2 shades darker at best D: mum's gonna take me out in the morning to get a permanent one... grrrrrrrrr