we're living in a den of thieves and it's contagious

i watched (500) Days of Summer last night and it was really... thought provoking. I dunno, it made me feel happy and sad at the same time. Definitely a must watch if you haven't seen it.

Friday was dreadful. It was fine up until last lesson when I decided to go up to graphics to do some extra work. I strolled on in only to come face to face with TB. I almost stopped dead in my tracks, and there was a moment where we just stared at each other as I walked towards the table. It was horrible, so awkward. I put my bag down and immediately went into the computer room even though I didn't have any computer work to do. I slumped down and put my head in my hands. It's so difficult facing him. So, i sat in the computer room doing nothing for an hour... i would've left early but i had nowhere else to go plus I couldn't bare going back into that room knowing he'd just be sat there staring me down again. I only left once he had. It put me in a foul mood. All i wanted to do was run away and cry and cry and cry and have him miss me and kiss him. I hate this. I hate myself even more for finding it so difficult. So i went out to try and cheer myself up and just ended up sat in silence all night, feeling sorry for myself because I've screwed up everything and I couldn't even afford to get drunk enough to forget it.

The mood has also given me a self esteem issue. For the first time since I remember, I felt disgusting, I felt fat on friday night. I stood in front of the mirror for ages before I left just pulling my waist in, and being horrified by my short chunky legs. I've decided I'm getting slightly chunky. I need to cut down on my eating and do more exercise. So from tomorrow I'm going to start eating less and start doing 'Davinas' with my mum. Today I had an apple for lunch but then kinda ruined it by having a chocolate melt in the middle pudding with cream D: I really need to find a way to stop my love for food. I also need to get back into my waist training. I hadn't done it in a couple of weeks before today. I still managed to get down to 24 and a half but it was super super uncomfortable. I really really wanna be 24 inches.

I need money, and a boob job.
And i need to let him go already.

I've become obsessed with 50s clothes.

I can't wait for the easter holidays. College is such a drag atm. And i've started skipping lessons again... *sighhh* I can't wait for summer even more. Turkey and Reading and then i'll never have to see him again.

Night
E xx