It's been a while...
Thursday was good... spent some time with the boyfriend :) watched skins together. It was nice, and he seemed caring. I dunno.. it's still not quite right. Still kinda awkward. And i'm starting to get tired of him tbh. Especially since he's become a regular pothead. I keep thinking about what my life would be like if i was single. No boyfriend to tell me he loves me... although that wouldn't make much difference as T (name hidden for privacy reasons) hasn't told me he loves me in weeks :s And tbh i'd probably get more action than i do now if i was single. For a guy, T has a stupidly low sex drive. I mean, he never makes a move and even when i do he just acts like he doesn't want it. *sigh* what to do?
I'm off to a friends party later.. he'll be there... i guess we'll see how things go :/
eurgh... i'm just fed up of constantly worrying about what he's thinking... will he pay me some attention? will he reply to my message/text? does he really care? what can i do to make him love me?
i'd rather just be free to have a bit of fun with anyone i want and find someone who really wants me... doesn't just say he does.
Ok i think it's time for some bf history
I was with T for over 6 months and he broke up with me. I was absolutely heartbroken and what made it worse was that he wasn't even sorry, he didn't care how hurt i was and ignored my pleas for him to take me back. We stopped talking. Anyway after almost two months i started to see a guy called E (name hidden for privacy reasons). He was lovely. I felt so loved and appreciated and after a week we made it official. He really was lovely and i felt good because i could see that i made him happy, and he made me happy back. He'd text me regularly.. just asking how my day was and stuff. It was good. Real good. And his sex drive was really high... things were exciting, passionate.
Anyway, you guessed it, T started contacting me again. He said he still loved me. That braking up with me was the biggest mistake of his life. That not being with me was tearing him apart. He came over a few time to "talk" and i, being weak, let things happen. (he had a really high sex dive for me when i wasn't actually his). I felt awful that T was hurting and deep down i did still love him. He promised me things would be better. He promised he'd make me happy, treat me the way i deserved and never take me for granted again. So, since i'd only been with E for 3 weeks i broke it off and took T back. What an idiot i was. He treated me the way he promised for the first week or two and then it just went back to the way it was before we broke up.
In hindsight, i really regret leaving E for him. I was so naive for believing his promises. Everyone told me he was no good but he promised me he'd prove them wrong. He proved them right. So right.
*sighhh*
As for skins , well that was a disappointment. And the fact the the only "good and honest" character has become some horrible cheat really angered me. Poor Panda.
Anyways, i have college work to be doing so i guess i better go.
Laterz.
E xxx
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