Feel like he's happier without me

And it hurts so much

I wish i'd never let him go
I wish none of this had ever happened
I just wish everything had been different

And all i wanna do is text him to tell him that i cant stop thinking about him and how much i miss everything about him, and love everything about him
But i cant because i just feel like i'm irritating him all the time
And because he doesn't feel the same as i do
I fear not seeing "i miss you too" or "i love you too" anymore
So its best for me to not to say them in the first place
Just keep it to myself

I feel so alone tonight
and so ugly
and worthless

Can't help but blame myself for everything
Can't help but think maybe this is what i deserve
I know i never deserved him him the first place
So maybe it should be this way
I'm getting the pain that i deserve
And he's happier, and free from me
Free to find someone better

Looking back doesn't even make me smile anymore
It only makes me breakdown and cry
I want those times again
I'd give anything to live those times again
There's are so many memories that should be wonderful
But all they do now is cause so much pain

I'm such a fucking idiot
I've lost him
I've pushed him away
I don't know how to accept the idea that we might not have another chance
That i might lose him completely
All my hope is gone
I feel so alone and so hopeless

I'm a complete and utter mess