can't stop thinking about him

can't stop missing him
can't stop wanting him
can't stop loving him

so fed up
i have no motivation to do anything
i don't even want to leave my bed
.. i wish he was here with me
although, if he was, i wouldn't want us to waste it
i'd want us to make the most of our time together
go driving, anywhere, drive fast, windows down, music blaring, singing along
laughing, smiling, happy
go on an adventure, find somewhere to explore
go walking, somewhere new, somewhere quiet, just me and him, hand in hand
bake things, lots of new things, get it wrong but keep trying until we got it right
sit outside with our creations and stuff our faces
relax together in a food coma
lie with each other, just talking

...
thinking like this is torture
its so hopeless
i know i'm being pathetic
i keep getting angry at myself
'pull yourself together!'
'get up , dry your eyes and do something!'
but i can't
i'm so tired, all the time
i don't sleep properly at night
i can't switch these thoughts off
i can't switch my emotions off
it's exhausting keep getting so upset
i feel emotionally and mentally drained

i feel like i can't even text him
he's probably got other people he'd rather be talking to than me
he's busy, having a good time
i'm just his pathetically pitiful nuisance of an ex