i'm not suicidal, i just can't get out of bed

well i'm feeling shite.

i'm ill - i've got a chest infection, and a stupid, ugly, painful, itchy scalp after having an allergic reaction to dying my hair last week :( and all my glands are up (4 in total) and they look horrible :(

i'm feeling odd again, i dunno, maybe it's just cuz i'm ill...
sometimes i feel like someone who's bi-polar, or a drug addict or something ... i have good days and bad days. today's gonna be a bad day i can tell.

the ex might be coming over...probably not though as i don't think he can get a lift here, and no buses run on a sunday :/
i dreamt about him last night. i dreamt that he made me believe he wanted me again (physically) n then when we went upstairs and got into bed he just got up and left me there... ha, talk about history repeating itself.. it was just more broken promises.
i'm missing him again... or am i? oh i don't know, it's so difficult. maybe i'm just missing being loved?
i know i have my family, and my friends but it's not the same. i've got no one to hold me when i'm feeling down, and tell me they love me, and that everything will be ok. i've got no one to cuddle me when i'm cold, i've got no one to lie with me while we watch a film, i've got no chest to lie on when i sleep, i've got no one to love me physically, to tell me i'm beautiful, and make me feel wanted. it's difficult to feel confident when you don't feel wanted.

i think today is gonna be one of my quiet thinking days, i need it
E xxx