why oh why can't there be love?

Ok a serious update is needed...

My ex came round on Tuesday, n it was nice spending time with him, but then, like when we went to town together, it was kinda awkward... n towards the time when he had to leave he got all funny with me, he lay down on my bed and asked me to lie with him. then he held me really close to him for ages, without saying anything, he then he held my hand. And although it felt nice to be close to him again it was weird...just as i was starting to feel ok without him, feelings came back.. i didn't really know what to think.. since then we've been messaging and stuff... i was feeling a bit down on Wednesday night and he was asking me what was wrong n making sure i was ok.. he told me that he was always going to be there for me and that he still cared for me a lot.

And then yesterday night i went to a party... he turned up late and was sat outside... i went to say hi and he said "d'ya want a seat" when i said yes he sat me down on his lap, wrapped his arms round me and held me tight... he wasn't talking to anyone else, just sat holding me.. it was really strange... made me think maybe he was missing me or something... then evey time throughout the night when i saw him after that he kept asking me if i wanted to go and lie down somewhere.. again, very odd. I said no of course.

Anyway so it was about midnight and him and the group of dickhead friends he now has began to leave the house. I went outside to say goodbye to some of the guys who i knew and he was nowhere to be seen, one of them turned to me and said "who's [he] getting with". My heart dropped as i replied "what!?". I suddenly became overwhelmed with anger. About 30 seconds later he come out the house. He tried to ignore me as i stood next to him. When he turned to look at me i said "seriously you better leave right now or i will hit you". He just stood and looked at me so i stormed back into the house but i couldn't leave it at that, i was so angry, and i wanted to know who more than anything. So i stormed back outside and straight towards him, i went to hit him but he grabbed my hands and restrained me. I was crying at this point, and i think i was the angriest i've ever been. I said "who. who was it?" he knew exactly what i meant and when he told me who i began to cry even more... it was a girl who i'm supposed to be good friends with. I yelled and sweared at him... and all he could say in reply was "i thought it was mutual". "Yeh it was" i cried at him "but it's been a month, just a month, and you think you can go and get with someone and it wouldn't bother me? you really think that!?" and he just left.. he just walked away with his dickhead mates, who were taking the piss out of me by this point, as i shouted "don't ever talk to me again" at him. I spent the rest of the evening sat crying in the bath with my girlfriends round me trying to comfort me.

This morning, i realize i overreacted but it still hurts thinking about him with someone else, i forgave my friend for it, she said she was ridiculously drunk and she would've never got with him if she'd been thinking straight.

He sent me a message at about one saying "i'm sorry, please tell me you're alright.... or at least willing to talk to me".
I ignored him at first, but then i sent him this:
"I'm sorry i got so crazy last night. I guess i overreacted. You're single now, you were gonna get with someone else sooner or later, n I'm guessing it hasn't just been [my friend].
Even though I know we don't work I still love you, so much, and it hurts a lot seeing/hearing about you with other girls. It really hurts a lot.
It's made me realize that i don't know if i can handle staying close to you because it's making it harder to let go."

He replied with:
"It has just been her.
To tell you the truth, I miss you, a lot. I liked being with you on Tuesday, it reminded me of how much I liked you...But I know nothing could become of it...because we both know it just didn't work out...I guess that's why I've been acting strange.
I don't blame you for how you reacted, and please don't think I was ignoring you last night, I just didn't want to make things worse."

Anyway, he said he would call me, and we needed to talk anyway because on Tuesday we booked to go to town tomorrow to try to get our laptops fixed, so we needed to decide if we were still gonna go.
So i just spoke to him.. i didn't say much tbh, i didn't know what to say really :/ he said he hoped i was ok n stuff, n that he missed me... i don't really know what to feel.. i'm all mixed up.. i feel kinda numb tbh, i know that sounds weird but it's the only way i can describe it.

So yeh, i'll be seeing him tomorrow.. i guess we'll talk more then :/ hmmm
I'll let you know how things go.
Sorry this has been such a long post.
E xxx