Back here again

Would he even notice if I never came home? 

What's the point in all of this

Friendships, relationships... everyone leaves eventually

I'm tired 

Why the fuck

Am I still so pathetically in love with him? Why can't I get over him? And let go of the future we'd planned? 

I don't understand 

It's been over a year 

I'm with someone new 

How can I possibly still feel like this? 

It's fucking exhausting 

I want to move on so badly but I don't know how 

And deep down what I really want more than that is to be with him again 

I feel so stupid 

Having your trust broken

Is the worst feeling in the world 

Reading old messages

Sucks 

Think my heart just went into overdrive 

Still fucking missing him 

Missing what we had 

And still can't bear thinking about the past

Fuck 

It almost feels like 2 and a half years of my life were just a dream 

How do I still feel like this? 

Am I ever going to get over him? 

Everytime I close my eyes...

You're there.

This is exhausting.
Part of me still want to be with you so badly.
But part of me feels like it's impossible and I just need to get over you...
I wish I knew how
I'm scared that I'm always going to wish for another chance with you
I'm scared that it'll always feel like things are unfinished between us
Surely the fact we still have feelings for each other, after almost a year, shows something?
Although, you said that the only feeling you have for me now is lust
You said you resent me too much
Which really fucking hurts
And now you're saying you want to find someone new?
Which hurts even fucking more
You know I still only want you

I don't know
I wish this was easier
One way or the other
I'm just so tired of being in limbo

Had such an upsetting dream

Why is this still so hard? 

I just want to be over him 

I don't want to want him anymore 

I don't want to love him 

I wish I could forget about him 

I wish I could stop caring

Feeling so depressed and tired and pathetic and stupid and angry 

Why can't I let him go? I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It'll be a year soon and sometimes I still don't feel any better than I did in summer 

I'm so sick and tired of crying over him 

Feeling like I need to see a counsellor or something. Honestly think there is something wrong with me. 

I seriously need to stop feeling like this  

How is it

That he does something shitty and unfair and hurtful 

And then when I call him out, telling him how much it hurt and upset me 

He briefly apologises only to carry on saying hurtful shit

(She's out of my league because she's so pretty .... Right so I'm just average looking am I? Great. Sorry I'm not as fucking attractive as her! Talk about making me feel like second best...) 

And while he's saying all this crap to me, I'm sat here trying to reassure him and boost his confidence, telling him he's good looking and would have a chance with this girl (who's apparently so much better than me) .... 

What the fuck!? I mean what the fuck is wrong with me!!?? It's like I'm trying to set them up!! 

Fucking hell. He upsets me, so I give him a confidence boost... 

Way to go Em, you've made yourself a fucking doormat again 

Too. Fucking. Nice.

So upset now

Why can't I just get the fuck over you? 

I can't cope with this 

I'm so unhappy 

Now I see the appeal of erasing memory

It's not even like I can enjoy looking back 

I can't enjoy thinking about you/us at all

It just makes me even more upset 

Fuck, this hurts so much 

I don't know what to do

Nothing helps 

Talking to you

Not talking to you 

Talking to other guys 

Not talking to other guys 

Nothing helps 

Nothing makes any fucking difference 

All I can think about is you 

All I want is you 

I'm still fucking waiting for you because I don't want to do stuff with anyone else 

I feel so shit about everything right now

Wishing I could go back 

Wishing I could start again 

Literally don't know what to do with myself

How do I get over you? 

Please, I just want to let you go 

I don't want to feel like this anymore 

Crying

Over a fucking photo 

I feel so pathetic

...

Happy anniversary? I fucking hope not

Cheers for that

Just saw a guy

Who looked exactly like you 

Same face, same hair, same height, same clothes, same walk

I thought it was you, my heart stopped and I literally froze 

He turned and saw me looking, probably thought I was a right weirdo 

But I realised it wasn't you

And then I didn't know if to feel relieved or disappointed

I wanted to message you to let you know 

But I'm meant to be leaving you alone :/ 

Plus I didn't want to make you feel guilty or anything 

I miss you 

Fuck you

So angry and fed up about this whole fucking situation 

And the way you keep treating me, and I just keep on letting you because I fucking love you 

Feeling used, and ignored and stupid and pathetic and hopeless 

I was getting better, I was, I was almost there... Feel like I've taken a months worth of steps backwards

Fuck you 

Fucking hell

I miss you 

I miss you

Every. Single. Day

I'm not exaggerating. There literally isn't a day that goes by where I don't miss you. And there hasn't been since we broke up.

And it's not simply just 'i miss you' 

It's 'I miss you so much it makes me sad', 'I miss you and want you back', 'i need you', 'I feel empty without you in my life', 'i love you' 

People keep telling me it gets easier, but when? When will it get easier? When will I stop crying over him? 

It's been almost 7 months

And all I can think is that we'd have been together 3 years next week

I'm such a fool

Can't sleep at night

Can't get out of bed in the morning 

How do I stop feeling like this?

I'm so unhappy 

I miss you

God, I miss you so fucking much 

I wish you still cared 

I wish we still spoke 

I wish, I wish, I wish... 

Dreaming about being with someone

Someone you long for, someone you miss, someone you crave intimacy with.. 

And then waking up and realising you're still very much alone, and probably will be for the foreseeable future... 

That's pretty heartbreaking 

Especially when your kisses and your touch felt so real 

Why do I do this to myself?

Ffs 

I feel sick 

Need to cut him out 

I can't cope like this 

Fuck why does this still hurt so much?

I'm so tired of being unhappy 

I miss him

But where's he gone? 

I will always wish I could turn back time

So unhappy

When will this end? 

I'm so tired of being unhappy 

Nasty dreams

= waking up sad and lonely 

Worst way to start the day :( just wanna go back to sleep 

Wide awake

Thinking of you

When is this going to end?