Back here again

Would he even notice if I never came home? 

What's the point in all of this

Friendships, relationships... everyone leaves eventually

I'm tired 

Why the fuck

Am I still so pathetically in love with him? Why can't I get over him? And let go of the future we'd planned? 

I don't understand 

It's been over a year 

I'm with someone new 

How can I possibly still feel like this? 

It's fucking exhausting 

I want to move on so badly but I don't know how 

And deep down what I really want more than that is to be with him again 

I feel so stupid 

Having your trust broken

Is the worst feeling in the world 

Reading old messages

Sucks 

Think my heart just went into overdrive 

Still fucking missing him 

Missing what we had 

And still can't bear thinking about the past

Fuck 

It almost feels like 2 and a half years of my life were just a dream 

How do I still feel like this? 

Am I ever going to get over him? 

Everytime I close my eyes...

You're there.

This is exhausting.
Part of me still want to be with you so badly.
But part of me feels like it's impossible and I just need to get over you...
I wish I knew how
I'm scared that I'm always going to wish for another chance with you
I'm scared that it'll always feel like things are unfinished between us
Surely the fact we still have feelings for each other, after almost a year, shows something?
Although, you said that the only feeling you have for me now is lust
You said you resent me too much
Which really fucking hurts
And now you're saying you want to find someone new?
Which hurts even fucking more
You know I still only want you

I don't know
I wish this was easier
One way or the other
I'm just so tired of being in limbo

Had such an upsetting dream

Why is this still so hard? 

I just want to be over him 

I don't want to want him anymore 

I don't want to love him 

I wish I could forget about him 

I wish I could stop caring

Feeling so depressed and tired and pathetic and stupid and angry 

Why can't I let him go? I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It'll be a year soon and sometimes I still don't feel any better than I did in summer 

I'm so sick and tired of crying over him 

Feeling like I need to see a counsellor or something. Honestly think there is something wrong with me. 

I seriously need to stop feeling like this  

How is it

That he does something shitty and unfair and hurtful 

And then when I call him out, telling him how much it hurt and upset me 

He briefly apologises only to carry on saying hurtful shit

(She's out of my league because she's so pretty .... Right so I'm just average looking am I? Great. Sorry I'm not as fucking attractive as her! Talk about making me feel like second best...) 

And while he's saying all this crap to me, I'm sat here trying to reassure him and boost his confidence, telling him he's good looking and would have a chance with this girl (who's apparently so much better than me) .... 

What the fuck!? I mean what the fuck is wrong with me!!?? It's like I'm trying to set them up!! 

Fucking hell. He upsets me, so I give him a confidence boost... 

Way to go Em, you've made yourself a fucking doormat again 

Too. Fucking. Nice.