breakfast in bed, kisses for me

photo of the gorgeous shoes mentioned below :) i want them so badly

been feeling a lot better recently :)

study leave starts today :D i'm so happy :)) no college for 4 weeks... apart from exams :/ lol.
N got some good stuff planned already. HUGE party at a friends on the 3rd of June and then going up to Edinburgh with friends on the 17th :)) s'gonna be gurdd :)
i'm off to a friends for a comfy film night this evening and then tomorrow i've planned to makes a cakes/multiple cakes of some sort :P as i've had a large craving for cake recently :P and tomorrow night i'm off to a get together of my old school friends... some of whom i haven't seen in almost a year.. at a friends :) so that'll be nice :)

Also, i wanna talk to you guys about TOPSHOP MAKE-UP! I was so excited when this came out! :D how good does it look?!?!? :D
Personally i've got Blush in Flush, Lips in Brighton Rock, Polish in Smoothie and multiple nail colours on my wishlist :)
Annd these shoess from office:
http://www.office.co.uk/womens/office/nature_leg_tie/60/8855/23176/1/
mm i have so much want for these :))

right i'm off... see ya later my loves :) xxxx

with toothpaste kisses

having one of those days again
i keep crying
why can't i just not cry?
why can't i get over him?
what's wrong with me?
i hate this
i hate this so much

:)

Today's Been A Good Day :)

sometimes i wonder, has he changed, or did i never really know him in the first place?

i wanna erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week

i just found this in a post from the end of January:

"I was just thinking back to this morning. It was so nice waking up and having him holding me. And then later on when we were just messing around, you know being silly, and just having a laugh together. That's what i love about being with him :)
Hmmm.. when things are bad they're real bad but when things are good they're so good :)"

That's what i miss. I remember that night. We waited in the snow for my Dad to pick us up. He gave me his coat and held me close as the snow came down. It was such a nice moment.
And that last sentence truly sums up what things are like in my life :/

i'm not suicidal, i just can't get out of bed

well i'm feeling shite.

i'm ill - i've got a chest infection, and a stupid, ugly, painful, itchy scalp after having an allergic reaction to dying my hair last week :( and all my glands are up (4 in total) and they look horrible :(

i'm feeling odd again, i dunno, maybe it's just cuz i'm ill...
sometimes i feel like someone who's bi-polar, or a drug addict or something ... i have good days and bad days. today's gonna be a bad day i can tell.

the ex might be coming over...probably not though as i don't think he can get a lift here, and no buses run on a sunday :/
i dreamt about him last night. i dreamt that he made me believe he wanted me again (physically) n then when we went upstairs and got into bed he just got up and left me there... ha, talk about history repeating itself.. it was just more broken promises.
i'm missing him again... or am i? oh i don't know, it's so difficult. maybe i'm just missing being loved?
i know i have my family, and my friends but it's not the same. i've got no one to hold me when i'm feeling down, and tell me they love me, and that everything will be ok. i've got no one to cuddle me when i'm cold, i've got no one to lie with me while we watch a film, i've got no chest to lie on when i sleep, i've got no one to love me physically, to tell me i'm beautiful, and make me feel wanted. it's difficult to feel confident when you don't feel wanted.

i think today is gonna be one of my quiet thinking days, i need it
E xxx