feeling like i've messed everything up

o god, here come the tears

super good mood

i'm so excited for tomorrow night :))
worcester with FAD girls (and paul)... never been to worcester before!
then staying in Tom's halls... excitingggg
yay yay yay
Emily is a happy bunny :)

ghetto bootay

i've also just noticed my arms are in a really odd position
but i don't care
cuz i gots a ghetto bootay and i love it :D

i'm just sat on my bed

playing with my belly flab....
D:

i'm getting proper chubby again

seriously need to go on another diet D:
starting it tomorrow... i hate feeling fat
i also really wanna start wearing my corset again :))

feeling empty

huh

compose myself

see a photo of us
instantly well up again

o god

i was doing so well too...

my itunes hates me

whenever i'm in a mood like this it always plays more coldplay than ever
eurghhh

welling up all the time

coldplay just came on and i almost instantly started crying
i'm so lame :(

mmmmmmm

risotto smells divine <3

i'm all mixed up feeling cornered and rushed

this year will be different
my efforts will go into college and work
i really need to learn some self control, i'm scared i'm going to do something stupid and it's about time i started learning from my mistakes
no going out and getting drunk and feeling lonely and doing things i'll regret
i'm gonna attend college when i'm meant to, do my work on time and give up nights out for nights in or nights at work. and if i do get with a guy it'll be when sober and with someone who i've met and got to know slowly beforehand, and maybe even gone on a proper date with if i'm lucky :)
i wanna be happy, no more regrets
wish me luck
xxx

the risotto failed

:(

i've finished catching up on big brother

and now i have nothing left to do with my time (apart from that art project thing)
so i'm teaching myself how to make risotto :)

i swear shit like this happens to me so often

they put michael buble on in the crooked house tonight

michael fucking buble

as if i needed anything else to remind me of him
waaaaaaa :'(

why is it

that when i'm in a relationship i get loads of interest from other guys and then as soon as i'm single no one wants to know... eurgh feeling so shit right now
i'm really missing Tom :( i keep wanting to message him but i don't know what to say...

i feel so lonely right now

well I was right...

tonight was shit
what a brilliant waste of £15

this seemed quite apt

forgive me first love but i'm tired
i need to get away to feel again

excuse me first love but we're through
i need to taste the kiss from someone new

forgive me first love but i'm too tired
i'm bored to say the least and i lack desire

forgive me first love....

i suppose i should give you an update...

reading was awesome again. not as good as last year but i think it was naive of me to think it would be.
althoughhh...the streets followed by 2manydjs was the best night of my life so that was good :)
madness and mcr were other highlights

me and tom broke up. tbh it had got to the point where it was just a matter of time. we spent the whole weekend arguing and although he wanted to give it another chance, i just don't feel the same anymore.
i am really sad. i feel kind of lost without him. there is a sense of relief as well though. knowing that the arguing and the sulking and the awkwardness is over. i dunnoo... i just feel a little alone and lost at the moment.

out tonight so we'll see how that goes (not good i'm thinking)
wish me luck
E xxx

listening to ellie goulding

and welling up at old photos
i'm such a sap.